Choices
by hopeswims
Summary: Set in Season 2. Wyatt has a choice to make between his past and his future.


_Back in 2018 less than an hour, she's confused as he drags her through the dark corridors._

"Wyatt what are you doing? Is this about Flynn?"

 _He abruptly stops, turning to her when they reach their shared quarters._

"I found Jessica."

 _His wife._

"What?"

"I went to see her."

 _Her body goes numb._

She was in Texas working at a hospital.

 _She wants to vomit._

"Are you ok?"

 _Shame boils up in him. Of course she asks if he's ok. She always looks out for him. No matter what. Even when he is breaking her heart. Again._

"Was she…was she how you remembered?"

 _It takes all of her focus to keep her voice steady._

"Yes."

 _Never had death in another century seemed so appealing. Well, almost never._

"All the important things about her were exactly the same. Just a different name. Amanda."

 _As she turns away from him, he catches the sad shine overtaking her eyes and wants nothing more than to hug her. To tell her he loves her, but he knows he can't._

"I'm sorry. "

 _His choice shatters her into a million jagged pieces. It is deafening and excruciating as her world spins further out of control._

"Wyatt…I…..I don't know what to say."

 _This can't be happening. He made her so happy and now this. This is worse than coming back from a jump to him forgetting her or her forgetting him._

"Lucy…"

 _Worse than being betrayed by her mom._

"I mean…it's…it's incredible that you found her again. It's…."

 _God help her, maybe even worse than losing Amy. Because he won't be there to help her put herself back together._

"Lucy…"

 _She wants to run and never stop._

"Fate, just like I said. Soulmates that even time can't keep apart."

 _She never hated fate more than in this moment._

"Fate?"

 _Again with fate. He shouldn't be surprised._

"So Jessica was the same in a lot of ways, but she didn't remember me."

 _As determined and loyal as he is, she knows that that won't stop him. Won't keep him from his wife. His wife. She feels like she's drowning in that car again._

"It was weird. Seeing her. Being with her."

 _The voice that has soothed her every hurt for more than a year now relentlessly slices through her. Slowly destroying her with every word._

"You're very charming. It's only a matter of time before she...before your wife falls in love with you again."

 _She forces the weakest of smiles. Those words...her words, breaking whatever is left of her as her eyes grow cloudy._

"Lucy…"

 _She wishes he'd stop saying her damn name._

"I don't want to hurt you."

 _She can't breathe._

"I do love Jessica."

"Ok, can you just stop talking Wyatt? JUST STOP."

 _She hears the desperation in her voice._

"No ma'am, I cannot."

"OF COURSE YOU CAN!"

 _Her anger escapes as she struggles against the tornado her mind is becoming._

"Look, it was different. I was different."

 _Unable to stomach another word, she turns and darts towards the door only to be stopped by his firm grip._

"Wyatt…please…"

 _Her voice is so hushed, so full of hurt that he loosens his hold on her arm, but can't bring himself to let go completely._

 _She refuses to crumble in front of him. Not this time. So she stares at the floor, long locks shielding her face from his knowing eyes._

 _Even in that moment, as he desperately tries to get her to hear him, he can't help but think how gorgeous she is._

"Jessica doesn't know me. That sucked, but when I was there I realized maybe I don't need her to know me. Maybe I don't really need to know this version of her either. She has a life. I have a life."

 _She shakes her head. It's too much. It's all too much._

 _He lets go and watches her make her way towards the door. He's never liked watching her walk away._

"WE HAVE A LIFE. HERE. TOGETHER. I LIKE OUR LIFE."

 _Her shaky hand freezes on the doorknob. He's lost it. Nobody could like this life._

"Well, except for the constant threat of death. That part is really annoying, but your hugs whenever we beat those Rittenhouse bastards are really something so it's a trade off."

"I want to be here."

"Loving you."

"Touching you."

"Watching you nerd out over history while we try to save it."

"Fighting with you."

"Living our life. TOGETHER."

 _She turns, arms crossed. For the first time, she meets his eyes._

"That doesn't make it ok."

 _She's right. They both know it._

"I know, but you have to admit that I build a convincing case."

 _Those blue eyes. She's lost track of how many times she's lost herself in those eyes._

"You never answered my question. Are you ok?"

 _He's more terrified of losing her now than he has ever been._

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On your answer."

"You haven't even asked a question."

 _He hesitates. Knowing her answer is the only thing that matters to him._

"Are we ok?"

 _She wants to throw herself in his arms and be safe. Be home. But she isn't sure. She isn't sure of anything any more so she just stares. Stares into those eyes that never lied to her until the other day. Stares at the lips that comfort her soul and set it on fire all at the same time. She doesn't know what to do._

"You shouldn't have lied."

"You're right. I was scared. You remember lying to me because you were scared and ashamed?"

 _She does. Lying more than once because she was scared. Scared of what she didn't understand. Ashamed of choices some version of herself might make. Still scared. And he had forgiven her. Every damn time._

 _She wants to ask how she can be sure he will stay. The words get caught in her throat or maybe her mind. She's not really sure which._

 _He hates that he's the reason for the uncertainty in her eyes again._

 _Lost in her own thoughts, she startles when he's right there leaning his forehead against hers. Her step back met with the cold wall she forgot was so close._

"Jessica is my past. I know that more than ever now."

 _He hates that he is the latest person she loves who hurt her._

"You. Lucy. You are my present. My beautiful, smart, lovable, amazing present."

 _Grabbing her face with both hands like she did at the Alamo, he hopes that he can fix this. Them._

 _She knows he is fighting for her. Her. Not Jessica. Still, she is scared. So scared._

"You're my future. My future that I can't wait to wake up next to, spend each day with and fall asleep in my arms. Even in these crap bunks."

 _Hopes he can will her to keep fighting for them. To not give up._

 _Her watery eyes give way to tears as she's overwhelmed by the look on his face, the intensity of his voice._

"You're. My. Everything."

 _Without a word, she knocks his hands away and pushes past him._

 _Turning, he watches her pacing the path by their beds. He can't believe it. That he was so stupid. That he didn't tell her the truth the other day. It wasn't worth it. He feels sick._

"I made a mistake. I should've told you."

 _He sees her looks at him then the door. His mind thinks of the future they're losing. The future he screwed up._

 _Her mind is on fire._

 _He wants to grab her as she gets closer to him. He won't. He knows he can't stop her this time._

 _She's determined to end this._

 _Her head is pounding._

 _She is almost by him when she launches her arms around his neck._

"I'm still mad at you."

 _Relief washes over him as he struggles to keep his feet steady and catch up to her hug._

"I know."

"Don't ever do that again."

 _She believes in Wyatt._

"You have my word. Never."

 _She believes in them._

"And no more secrets."

"Yes, ma'am."

 _She's never letting go._

 _He feels a twinge as her hold on him gets tighter and tighter, but he makes no attempt to loosen it._

 _She's right where she belongs._

 _And so is he._


End file.
